Would that relationships were easier than they are, or that parents were perfect and taught children perfect relationship skills. Alas, this life is all about falling on your face, picking yourself up and looking yourself in the mirror to figure out what went wrong. When it comes to words, I’ve always had more than enough, and used them to my advantage – until it’s a disadvantage. The love of my life would endearingly say that I had all of the words, all of the time, and a mentor at work called me a “wordsmith”, which was the greatest compliment I could’ve received. And yet, oftentimes my words are sent out as a desperate plea into an empty void, and as such, they fall flat. The accuracy which which I can convey my message is both a gift and a curse, depending on the situation and the level of Scorpio passion and impulse control I throw into my message and timing. But there’s more to consider:
I believe in manifestation: that if we focus on what we desire, believing that we’ll receive it, and act accordingly, it will come into our lives. Over the past few years I’ve been trying to understand the communication dynamics within different relationships in my life. Yesterday I came across an article that unfolded the answer. Thank you, Psychology Today!
One of the most common and destructive of these conflict patterns happens when one partner continuously withholds and the other similarly concedes. “Withholders” keep their thoughts and feelings hidden during a conflict, while “conceders” too quickly reveal them.
Which Are You?
Withholders vs. Conceders: a world apart doesn’t have to mean the end of the romance……
After sadness runs us through,
after love stretched across a life,
beyond the borderlines they draw
we see birth again.
First born to bird song, I knew nothing
of the language you were
fluent in. You, born to bomb sounds
and wars that chased you,
a decade of words I’d never heard,
me of some soft blowing breeze
and the curtains it played with.
Immeasurable, I call the dust from stars
that fills us despite this,
call it indescribable that somehow
mine is yours and yours is mine
and neither a galaxy of distance
nor the din of explosion
stopped it from being shared
Did you know when I knew,
from the outset, from the birth
of new beginning,
did you see me and call out Home
in that first language I could not
Started half a globe apart,
serenaded by such separate sounds,
but now, stillness,
and poetry that finally
The end only comes when the pattern wounds to the point that repair cannot be made.
Regardless of how much love is in your heart for your partner, there may come a point when the pain overshadows the love. The best course of action is to look at these communication mistakes early and identify where you’ve seen these patterns in your past, then work to alleviate them from your current relationship – or better yet, tackle the issue and identify your triggers before you’re in a romantic partnership, and when you identify unhealthy patterns in that relationship, try to overcome them, or walk away before you sacrifice hard earned health.
- Words Flow and Dam in the HeartWhen the rate of communication is imbalanced, both parties need to look within and determine what is driving their action or inaction. This is healthy. This is love. This is mindful intent within a relationship.
- White Lies, Protection or GaslightingThe line is so fine it stinks of Pinot Noir. A rich, dark, delicious Pinot Noir one could get drunk off without paying very close attention to. When looking at the three terms in the title of this essay one can see that there are actually lines all over the […]
- The Choice is Vulnerability or DeathWords, actions and vulnerability are inextricably connected. We can make ourselves vulnerable by our actions and words, and yet, our inaction and lack of words can do the same. Ultimately we must acknowledge the constant cost-benefit analysis at play. Choosing vulnerability will always pay in the long-run. The new Hulu movie, ‘Happiest Holidays’ is an excellent example of these ideas.
- Come Out and Come AroundIn order to see the beauty of this existence we call life, we must find the courage to fully come out of the shadows and live a raw, messy, gorgeous life full of errors and grace.- Nikki Jensen